Burial

Cindy's burial is scheduled for this Friday, March 12, at 11:30am. It will be at the Hanover Center Cemetery, in Hanover Center, New Hampshire. Family and friends are welcome, and there will be a luncheon reception afterwards at the house of our generous friends the Pillsburys (9 Woodmore Dr, Hanover NH 03755).

We were so blessed by those of you who came to the visiting hours and funeral last week - thank you! It was wonderful to see the far reach of Cindy's influence, and we were touched by everyone who had a kind word to say or took the time to share in our grief and celebration of the life of a remarkable woman.

Some of you have inquired about the slideshow as well as the recording of the funeral. We will try in the near future to put these on the blog - stay posted!

Love, Bob

Live Webcast

During the last few days we have been grateful for all your demonstrations of support, from your words on various guestbooks and places to comment, to the food and flowers that have magically filled our house. We look forward to seeing many of you tonight and tomorrow morning.

Thursday's service will be available to those in remote locations (with an internet connection) via the church's live webcast system. As a reminder, the event will begin at 10:30 am EST.

ALL the way home!

Well, it’s been quite the day. Cindy is finally ALL the way home. Here’s the story:

Coincident with Cindy’s arrival home on Thursday was the arrival of longtime Arizona friends Dan and Vicky Heller. Dan got here just in time to help carry Cindy up the stairs with me and a couple of strapping young angels that Alexandra Pinheiro had rounded up.

Friday was a relatively happy day, enjoying the company of old friends. They really were an encouragement for Cindy. Vicky made a delicious enchilada dinner, the leftovers of which we just finished tonight!

We started Saturday by getting Cindy into a chair and we all came up to her sitting room to have breakfast together. She was alert enough to smile for some pictures with the Hellers. After some tears, they departed for Phoenix and we got Cindy back in bed, where she slept for the rest of the day. She was not feverishly hot but was perspiring a little and her arms and face were a little cold.

We again went upstairs with dinner so that she would be in our company as much as possible. I had had an unexplainable sense of urgency to get all the kids together on the same page, so we sat down late in the evening to check in with one another and had a great talk. We prayed and sang.

About midnight, we went up to the room and gathered around Mom, prayed for her, and sang some hymns, lullabies, and worship songs. At one o’clock, I sent Mandy, Erica, and Peter off to bed. Beata and I started working to get Mom tucked in for the night. She was uncomfortable, so we sat her up for a while at her request. Beata began to sing again, the last song being “Jesus, Name Above All Names”. She spit up a little and we laid her down on the bed. As I was putting her head down, she gurgled a little bit and then she was gone. We were both taken aback at how quickly it happened. Of course, we had just prayed, asking God to either heal Mom completely or take her home expediously. I guess the latter was what he had in mind.

The peaceful atmosphere in the room is difficult to explain but it was very real. I called our pastor, Andy Zawacki, who came over and spent the next four hours with us and her. We talked, we prayed, we even asked God to raise her from the dead. Most of all, we were happy being together. We knew that our Lord had set Cindy FREE! At length, Andy called the funeral home and all of that process started.

Today has been exhausting for all of us, lots of phone calls, arrangements, etc.

The schedule is as follows:

Visiting hours Wednesday 4-7 PM at Light of the World
Memorial service Thursday 10:30 AM also at Light of the World

Details are at http://dufresneandcavanaugh.com/obituary_view/10006769.

There will be many difficult days ahead but we know that God is good. “It is well with my soul.” Jonny and Lisa arrive tomorrow. Please pray for us. We love you!

Love, Bob

Interestingly enough, the last song that Cindy heard in this world (Jesus, Name Above All Names) was also the song that we chose for our first dance at our wedding almost 28 years ago. Coincidence? Don’t think so.

Sweet Victory!

She's HOME!
Sound asleep tucked in her new hospital bed.

Valentine's, another birthday, and beyond!

Hello! Here's an update from your friendly neighborhood Beata.

This chunk of time since the last update has been pretty interesting. It started off with a quick trip to the mall on Saturday with Dad to get Mom a Valentine's Day present. The family celebrated loving each other the next day, and ate too much candy. Erica had secretly found little presents for the rest of us, and I had secretly gotten her one! Perfect.

February 15th was Peter's 16th birthday. We celebrated by taking the birthday train down to the nearest Sonic (one of Peter's favorite places for a hamburger), which was an hour away in Kingston. He was so confused about where we could possibly be going! It was a satisfying surprise. Thanks, Mrs. Weiner, for staying home with mom so that we could celebrate Peter's birthday! (Peter followed this milestone birthday by acing his learner's permit exam on Thursday. Look out Albany!)

A breath of fresh air was a visit from Jennifer Hansen, another of the stalwart friends from the early days at Dartmouth. She really blessed us by showing up, making our home smell amazing, and by singing to mom. Thanks for stopping by!

On Wednesday, we took mom to the hospital for a follow-up CT scan. The appointment was late in the day, and among other things, they found a significant amount of fluid in her abdomen. They can easily remove this with a quick procedure, but it was past closing time and they wanted to do it early on Thursday instead. Since it had taken a WHILE to get mom out of our house (and I'm talking hours here) and to the hospital, we decided not to repeat the performance but to just leave her there overnight.

Well, one thing let do another, and she's still in the hospital! Items of discussion have included whether or not the chemo has been working (seems like it's hurting more than it's helping!), whether or not to discontinue chemotherapy (consensus is yes for the time being), how to help her become more mobile (she's not really mobile at all), how to outfit our home to accomodate her growing needs (we're in touch with the right people to get some equipment), and how we can help her be more mentally present (not sure on this one yet). We're glad her doctor is back from vacation, and while some of us have appreciated the slight break from constant care the hospital has given us, we all agree that we want her home! Pray with us that everything will fall into place for getting her back, and that she will wake up with enough energy to walk into the house from the car.

Through all this, mom's personality shines through. She saves a significant amount of energy every day for that moment when dad walks through the door -- her whole face lights up when she hears his voice. She loves her kids and makes us laugh often. We know our God's power is not limited by her current state of being, and we are learning how to trust him with her.

As always, many thanks for your cards, emails, meals, and hugs. I'm not sure how we'd be managing without our strong support network, and I'm sure glad we don't have to find out! We'll try to keep this more current for all you people who like to be on top of new info! Sláinte!

Cindy's birthday visit from Lillian

Well, it’s been a week and a half since I last wrote. I keep holding off because Cindy wants to do it herself but never can get around to it. So I will again take the risk of updating it myself.

The major events since the last entry:

We were blessed by a visit from old Dartmouth friends Greg and Lillian Lennox and their son Chris last week. Lillian and Cindy were each other’s maid of honor and have remained best of friends all these years. Amazing! Greg and I were roommates at the famous “71” for half a year prior to their wedding. Lillian really lifted Cindy’s (and all of our) spirits – thanks so much for extending your visit, what a gift! She arrived last week just in time to spend a day with Cindy at the hospital receiving another couple of pints of blood. Tears were shed when Lillian left yesterday.

Cindy celebrated her 54th birthday on Sunday. Her overriding desire was to make it to church to worship with our church family, and she did it! The whole church spent quite a bit of time after worship praying for her – I cannot express what a blessing that was! This is the only outing that she has had in the past two months other than chemo/hospital visits.

She started with round 4 of cisplatin/5FU yesterday. She spoke with her mom this morning. She also sat up and actually read her own email (it may not sound like much, but that was a pretty big deal). She had some fruit and cottage cheese as well. There was less bilirubin in her urine today. Swelling in her lower extremities went down some today as well. The swelling has been painful and has made it difficult for her to fit into her normal clothes.

She is due for a CT scan next week to evaluate her progress.

Prayer requests:

Frankly, we have not seen much positive change from the chemo thus far (stamina, energy, acuity, etc). Please pray that it will start to do something. Of course, join with us in praying for God to heal her when we know that the chemo cannot. Pray with us that the chemo will not debilitate her further.

Please pray for decreased swelling, improved nutrition, mental status, pain management, courage, strength, hope, peace. These are all big ones.

The rest of us keep chugging along. Our house has never been cleaner (thanks, Lillian)! We are grateful for every moment we get to share with Cindy. Your support has been so wonderful. I can’t respond personally to all the notes, emails, and blog entries, but please know that they do lift our spirits a lot! Thank you so much. God is good!

Love, Bob

Need for chemograce

Wow – I did not realize that it’s been almost two weeks since I last updated this thing. Part of the problem is that Cindy really wants to do an update herself, so I hold off but then she is unable to rise to the occasion. So I finally decided just to do it myself, even if she gets upset with me.

Right after I wrote the last entry, Cindy began having problems. She had some labs drawn and her red blood count had dropped precipitously to the point where she needed a couple of pints of blood. The home IV infusions had also overloaded her with fluid so that she was 20 pounds heavier than previously and we had to get some of that off of her. She perked up quite a bit after the transfusions.

Last Wednesday, she started with her third round of chemo. Unfortunately, her bilirubin had gone back up, so she was still unable to get chemo drug #3. Wednesday was also her last decent day. The cisplatin, I think, knocked the daylights out of her this time. Starting on Thursday, she has barely been out of bed other than to use the toilet and has not eaten anything. She has had a little juice in addition to water and continues with the home IV fluids. On the positive, she is slowly looking a little better. However, she does not have the stamina to read or write, even talking is difficult for her, and her thought processes are often not clear. She has maintained a good sense of humor throughout it all, though.

As for the rest of us, we all seem to be doing pretty well. The meals, cards, support, and prayers have been awesome. Thank you so much. God is good!

Love, Bob

Liz comes to visit, Beata stays home

When our little boy died years ago, it was an overwhelming tragedy for us and I felt very alone, but I soon learned that there are a lot of people out there who have experienced the death of a child. Here, too, in this current situation, I seem to constantly come into contact with people who have lost wives or husbands at a too-young age to cancer or some other wrong occurrence. That, coupled with the tragedy in Port-au-Prince (where we lived when I was 7 and 8 years old), reminds me that there are a lot of folks out there a lot worse off than we are. There is a day coming when death and suffering, pain and tears will all be wiped away. Come, Lord Jesus!

Enough philosophizing. I’d better be careful with what I say after Cindy’s rebuke to me in her column the other day. Cindy remains weak but there are encouraging signs every day. She continues with daily IV fluid infusion at home, and she is eating a little better. Today she was up in a chair for a couple of hours. She had a Clementine tangerine, some grapefruit, watermelon, and toast. Later she had some plain spaghetti and salad. This was a real good intake day. Her mentation has also been a bit better in general.

Her bilirubin has begun to drop but it is still not at the point where chemo drug #3 can be added to the regimen. She had another round of chemo this past week (Fri - Sun) and we look forward to it having some positive effect. We continue to ask God for what the chemo cannot do, namely, complete healing.

Beata decided last week to take the year off from med school so that she can be home and close to Mom. I initially told her she couldn’t do that, and she gently reminded me that I no longer make decisions for her. In any case, it will be a great blessing to have both her and Erica available for Cindy. Mandy also was home for another long weekend. We all had a tremendous uplift when BFF Liz Adams spent the long weekend with Cindy – thanks so much, Liz!

Thanks again, everyone, for all of your support. It is really appreciated. There continue to be a lot of ups and downs and lonely moments, and your thoughts and prayers are treasured. God is good!

Bob

A Word From Cindy

In the pure interest of self preservation, I would like to respond to the previous blog post. Bob has been extraordinary in meeting my every need. But I find that his latest description of getting me downstairs was a bit modest. In truth, he's a prince with arm muscles that ripple in the wind. His legs have the appearance of extra thick crispy cut crinkle oven fries. I've only heard him grunt once, on the third step from the bottom.

Please be advised, folks, he is a man of great humility, who would rather say it took an army than take all the credit. The long and the short of it is, on any given day, it doesn't take three people to get me up and down the stairs!

(Noah, please let us know if you have any discount elevators.)

Some prayer requests!
-I'd love to be able to drink milk or eat ice cream
-I'd be ecstatic to have some semblance of normal digestion of the small amounts of food I DO manage to get down.
-I'd love to be able to eat real food without regretting it soon thereafter.
-Chemograce for the second round of treatment - starts tomorrow.

The doctor was very encouraged this week after looking at my bloodwork results. Though it's not there yet, my liver function has inched back in the direction of normal over the past week as I've had IV fluids at home. This makes me look less like a giraffe (yellow). We have had some good nurses and my appetite has increased to include small amounts of simple fruits and vegetables.

Dad by day we are depending on answered prayer and revelation of God's love for us. It's never hard to find a way to worship our marvelous king, God, and creator -- even if He struggles to come in line with my will.

A quiet, stable week

Thanks so much for the encouraging words, comments, and prayers that you have and continue to extend toward Cindy and our family. We are grateful for all of the cards, emails, prayers, and meals. We are so blessed to have such wonderful friends and an incredibly supportive church family! In fact, we have so much to be thankful for – God is good!

It’s hard to believe that a whole month has gone by since all this started, but this was a fairly uneventful week although still exhausting for all of us. Cindy went to the oncology office a couple of times for labwork and IV fluids and then we were able to arrange for home infusion of the IV fluids, which we’ve been doing daily.

Cindy remains very weak. It took three people to get her up, dressed, and out the door to the oncologist. Three days this week, she couldn’t even go down the stairs and just stayed in the bedroom. Just getting in and out of the bathtub is a chore that completely wears her out. Her mental acuity is sometimes OK, sometimes not. Eating without subsequent nausea and bloating continues to be a problem, so oral intake hasn’t been great. Being dependent on others has been pretty difficult for her as well. Those of us who live with and see her on a daily basis have somewhat adjusted to a new “normal” but people who haven’t seen her recently tend to be a bit taken aback.

She has another round of chemo this coming week (Weds – Fri) and we hope that it will begin having some positive effect so that she can have a little better quality of life. We pray that her bilirubin level will drop so that an additional important drug can be added to the regimen. We also continue to ask God for what the chemo cannot do, namely, complete healing.

A couple of Jonny’s RPI friends came over and installed a special Internet phone so that we can call Jonny and Lisa with crystal-clear reception for 1 cent/minute (better than Skype). Thanks, Jeremy and Dave!

This marks Beata’s final week at home before she flies back to Dublin and med school. What a help she has been! Cindy was also thrilled when Mandy spent the day at home on Friday with her. A very dear friend from Dartmouth spent last Sunday night with us, which perked Cindy up noticeably. Thanks, Meg!

Love, Bob

Last week in review

We are so grateful for the outpouring of love and concern that many of you have shown since we made Cindy’s cancer public. Thank you so much for your prayers, and please please continue to lift her up to God for her complete healing. I am convinced that we need her more here than God does in heaven.

We had a up and down week. It was wonderful having all the kids here. Mandy’s employer, when he found out about Cindy, told her to take the rest of the week off and go home. What a blessing!

At Cindy’s request, our longtime marriage counselor came to the house and did a session with the entire family to help everyone talk issues through, and we will probably continue these sessions periodically.

Cindy had her first round of chemo on December 31 with cisplatin and 5-FU. Her labwork prior to the chemo showed liver dysfunction severe enough that one drug (docetaxil) was withheld for fear of severe side effects. Hopefully, the other two will have enough impact to improve her liver to the point where she can get the third as well.

A photographer friend from church, Alyse French, came by on New Year’s Day with her fiancé to take some family pictures. Thanks, Alyse!

Jonny and Lisa flew home to Czech yesterday, a bittersweet parting for us. We are so proud of the work they are doing there. It was so wonderful to have them with us for two weeks. Mandy went back to Boston tonight, although she will be able to visit on weekends. And Beata still has two weeks with us before she flies back to Dublin.

Cindy’s mom came out from Laconia, NH to visit for most of this week. Cindy’s brother Bill did the driving and was accompanied by his wife Joanne and Cindy’s sister Sue. Cindy was thrilled to see them all. Today Cindy’s other brother Rick dropped his son Ian off with us and took Cindy’s mom home. Ian lives with us during the school year and attends Albany Academy with Peter.

On the down side, Cindy’s stamina is still generally very poor and her mind is not always clear. She cannot function independently at this point.

We covet your prayers.

Love, Bob